Where does one start! I am not the manic bastard, everyone thinks I am! I am not a loser! I am not a lazy Australian that can't get out of his own way. I am not one to give up easily. I will fight to the death until death strikes me.
I am not so abnormal where I can take a multitude of insults and abuse from the uneducated on the unsuspected. Or what I like to call some people....Unconscious sheep!
Yes! We are called many names throughout our life, but some really stick. Some we perpetuate!
We feel comfortable acting like the fool because we feel like we are one. We act like a bastard because, maybe we think we are one and the suit fits so well that.... we wear it.
So I crumble and give up under the lack of knowledge. "Have faith my son" (meaning....hey you idiot! You don't know nothing!) I laugh because none of us really know much about anything! Yes! we can read newspapers and reports and journals and become seemingly well educated. But is being well educated the same as intelligence? What is intelligence?
Is a parrot intelligent if he remembers to recite the entire Bible?
No! He has a bloody good memory and is very good at memorizing. But even if this Parrot memorizes a million spoken words, it doesn't make him intelligent. He has heard and remembered. Why? Because it is probably in his genetics to copy sounds. One parrot may be more advanced than another one but it still doesn't make him more intelligent. He is simply good at memorizing and repeating. Also ...he may be a very loud parrot one can not ignore.
But note a big difference!!!!!!!!!! (As far as we know) He does not and will never accumulate wisdom through this method, unless he can compare, understand and evaluate the information to benefit other parrots or living creatures...or even simply himself in an altruistic way.
So I ask! What is the point in being a parrot? (I really mean a human Parrot!)
Many of us are parrots and we are filled with bullshit and useless information! Are you confused?
Well you should be! There are many human parrots living in this world and they are confusing the shit out of us. They take note, ask many questions and remember the things that are at agreement and of importance with their own beliefs. All said with conviction, leads many of us as a human race, simply having to agree with these "so called experts".
But what are we doing? We are simply doing the same as a parrot would do. So in truth one parrot teaches another and another etc.
Where is our free will?????????????
Our free will comes when we start to look outside the bubble created by these so called knowledgeable parrots. But these parrot people are not smart....they are duplicators.
We have had a few original thinkers throughout the human life cycle but in main, most of us have followed the parrots like parrots. I laugh at the dumbness of this game.
We all should be living in the gutter............with the tiny brains we have. The majority of the people in the world accepts a good memory as intelligence. So lets all be common sheep with parrot brains. Lets read and imitate! Let us all appear..........."INTELLIGENT!" YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH! It looks good and we conform and are treated like normal people. This feels comfortable and certainly gives our confidence and ego a boost.
This will certainly give us prosperity and fortune and love and joy. Do you feel it does or not?
Are we missing the whole point? Are you wasting your life chance on the chase of your egos interest. Never to be fully satisfied! Chasing your tail forever. Frustrated man? Pissed off?
We have come to the fork in the road. We have to make an altruistic decision to be altruistic.
So you come to the fork in the road and think.......where did my life go....???
Stop looking back you moron I say! Stop looking into the future I scorn! Live today and be amused at what it takes to get through each day and smell the roses along the way. Stop clouding your mind David with yesterday and tomorrow. Now is what I have ad I certainly can't guaranty there will be a tomorrow........so now is it.
I right this now as lay in my half finished camper van that has no windows. I like it that way because it feels safe. I'd say that most people would think I was mad in doing this..as I do at times...But in many ways...I had no choice in the matter.
My marriage was breaking down and I still struggle with days where I am a chronic fatigue invalid...Yes! Most people think it is a load of crap...well so do I until I fall into a hole and I sweat profusely...my limbs ache like I have the flue...I can't stand the sun and begin to get migraine's...my brain fogs up to be a useless piece of jelly and I ache from head to toe. I feel sorry for the dog at these times because I feel so bad that she can miss out on a feed. I will sleep the pain away for a day or 3 and then I am back into the main stream again.
But people still remark......"You don't look sick.... are you maybe just lazy? You do look well! Is it a state of mind...isn't there something you can take to get rid of this....(SO CALLED VIRUS??????)
Well I wish was all in my head and i could cure it with positive thinking...but like aids it is a retro virus! It becomes you. You deal with it and just live it.
We all have something like this in our bodies.....But I have a cell growth that makes me tired and it feels like I get glandular fever once a week or fortnight. End of case! Nothing more to say.
I have to simplify my life because...Yes! at times I can only do so much.
I am in a large van living like a gypsy because...........a house is way too much work for me.
In a perfect world I would like to be traveling with some company but at this stage I have my little Wei and she is gorgeous.
Yes! I am missing my best mate Sharon soooooooooooo much! But I know that I am not wanted in her life at the moment. So I live my life day by day and I can not hope what could have been or what I think should have been. It is what it is now.
Yes! I am living like a gypsy bum and just getting through each day.
The first week has been strange but ok! I miss Sharon but we have been separated for some time now...but now it is more realistic. It has been warm and I have not been able to access the caravan park I wanted.
So my sister has helped with the first few days..(Thank you Anne) And much of the time has been spent getting use to my new space shuttle! That is basically what I have built. White outside and white inside...An earthly space shuttle on wheels.
Most my showers have been after a swim and it has been so warm....the days have lent their-selves to a fresh dip to start the day....mmmmm! but my day does start at midday!
It is Friday now and have gone to bed for the night after a few drinks with a good friend Pete! Rang up Holly to wish her a happy birthday for 2010.
I am not looking forward to the next few days, because they are threatening to be very, very hot! 8/8/2010
So the last few days have been very hot! Over 40 degrees Celsius. I have sheltered at my good friends home and what a lovely friend she is.
Since the 8th, I have had a few ups and downs not to mention other family members. Worried about Holly and also about William. Andrea is a great help, especially when I have been not so well with CFS.
I sometimes wonder if my life is a dream! At times it must be called a nightmare for sure. I am not one for change but dam! does there have to be so much stress and where the hell has the loyalty and love gone from this life?
I shouldn't talk too loud because I know I am not so perfect, but I do care and I sure do not want to hurt anyone.
The van ceiling has not been insulated ..so the days have been warm but the nights have been pleasant. Especially with the air conditioner running thanks to Andrea.
The van's hardware has been finished, but it is still a mess because of the lack of cupboard space.
So I live in messy quarters at present, but not for long. I will begin to assemble draws and more cupboards as I see the need for them. It is all trial and error and it is a wait and see game. What and where do I need this room. What needs to stay and what do I really need. It is so simple to stay simple but at the same time...it has to be easily workable. If not! It becomes hard work!
I stay on the Adelaide plains at the moment with a friend...but I am drawn back to the sea often. it is mostly 5 degrees cooler near the beach and the sea breeze is fantastic sometimes, not to mention the sunsets.
My camera will be dusted off soon and I will be creating a few slide shows to put on you tube. But for now my main focus is the van and my music is also enjoyable at times. Life tonight feels balanced and in unison, but last night it felt like the planet was way out of sync. I hope tomorrow is a good day?
The Haiti earthquake was a terrible disaster which has equaled or surpassed the recent tsunami.
The fires have been terrible of late and some of the car accidents have been some of the worse I have seen. Life is so treacherous... and is quite scary as I grow into my 49th year. It has been a very confusing and fragile start to the year 2010.
It takes a little strength to forward the motion into a positive...but after the initial push......inertia takes over. Yes! It gets easier! NO NO! Fake it until you make it...NAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Just be yourself and go forward. Let the initial push gather its own speed and enjoy the ride. You don't have to fake it... just be yourself and after a little work... it all starts fitting into place.
Don't focus on the negatives and the bumps etc. They are there always... just ride over them and you find that you need an extra push here and there but wow!... get the ball rolling and you will see how much easier that ...when the ball is rolling...it rolls over those bumps in the road much easier than when it was nearly stopped.
This makes sense man.../..woman. A little acceleration and you are on the way. The bumps and holes in the road are so much easier to roll over with a little speed. Just be very careful not to gain too much speed...because you know what happens when we go too fast...... we have no control at all and then the holes and bumps come int play again. They can effect you much in the same way as whilst you were going at a snails pace.
So my life is changing and some of the sacred things i had thought were sacred are not so anymore. I understand that we all think differently but I certainly didn't think we thought that different. Family and love and loyalty are very sacred to me. As is honesty and be genuine. But maybe not everyone feels the same as this... obviously not!
I found a lovely sweet girl and thought she had the same values....I am afraid she didn't come close to those values. She is on a completely different ride. I am not the one to say that her ride is the right way or the wrong way... I only can say that it certainly doesn't match my ride and values.
So in fact...I do have the ball rolling and it is slowly gaining speed. I am so anticipating when it gets to cruising speed.
I am 48 and getting close to 50 .... this I feel is a very dangerous time in a mans life... but I shall not worry over what could happen. I shall enjoy myself and learn my lessons as they fall. Should I smoke a lot ...a little ..or not at all. Of course the facts are there that smoking is not good for the heart or circulation... but man what a special thing it is to do when you have a peace pipe every now and then.
